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IELTS Writing

February 13, 2013 by admissions

Writing a 250 word essay in such a short space of time can be very difficult, especially because we have to impress the examiner with our argument, structure, vocabulary and grammar. Below is an excellent student sample. There are a few mistakes but this candidate would score very highly. Read the text below and comment why you think this essay would score well? For example, I think the structure of this essay is excellent. It has 5 paragraphs - introduction, body & conclusion.

Statistics show that Australians are getting fatter. To prevent this national health problem from getting worse, the Australian government should put a tax on fatty fast foods to fund our health care system.

To what extent to do you agree?

Obesity causes several diseases, such as hypertension, diabetes and stroke, that represent a serious economical burden for the society. Some people believe that taxing fatty fast foods will provide money that can be destinated to the health system. This solution, however, is to bring more disadvantages than benefits.

To start with, just putting a tax on unhealthy food does not eradicate the issue of obesity. On the contrary, it will lead to a disperception of this problem. In fact, people will keep on following a potentially dangerous lifestyle feeling not only free of doing such a thing, but also justified because of the tax they are paying. This carefree point of view will possibly be seen as an easy and responsibility-free solution by countless people and the money gathered with the tax on fatty food will probably not be enough to cover all the consequences.

On the other hand, people are well aware that eating too much sugar and fat is bad for their health and can predispose them to obesity. In this point of view, a person with unhealthy alimentation is forced to pre-pay the consequences in a financial way. So when these people are suffering from obesity-related pathologies, they will have already paid for their health care costs.

Nevertheless, a fat-rich diet does not guarantee obesity. If people eat unhealthy food in moderation and they associate it with regular physical exercise, most of them will not be affected by overweight issues. Thus, it is ethically unfair to make them pay in advance for something that is only a potential future problem.

For the above-mentioned reasons, I would not agree with a tax on fast foods to ensure money for the health care system. Indeed, I do believe that it is an easy, responsibility-free and punishing way to solve the complex and severe issue of obesity and its financial and economical consequences.

By Giulia Rinaldi

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